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  • Monique Cooper-Allison

What's your form of Communication?

I used to take shots of Patron just to communicate in my relationship with my now husband. Speaking for myself, it used to be hard to communicate and say exactly how I felt because I had fear of how he would think of me and how things would turn out. My husband often would say he won't say things on how he felt because he would get either the same reaction from me or I would come off defensive. I feel in a relationship, if both came to an understanding of how they want to address their feelings; then the communication shouldn't be so hard. Notice I didn't say go smoothly. One isn't going to like or even agree with the other person's feelings, but I do believe their should be a form of understanding at the end.

When we don't understand each other it makes things worst. I know it's said that men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, but we're both human and they are planets so there's some form of similarities; at least that's what I feel. Every person is different, it's up to you and your significant other to figure out what's a great way to communicate. I once read a while back that this couple used to talk between the door. You say "Mo, what you mean about that?" Well, the couple would close the door with one on each side of it and talk, that way they wouldn't see the facial expressions and they can only hear the tone in their voices. I for one like to write, I get it all out through writing. For me, when I write my feelings down, I can make corrections and not offend. After a while the writing turned into face to face but I would start off with, "I want to express my feelings, or I don't want to offend you, or even when you get a chance, can we talk?" Was it Steve Harvey that said Men don't like when we start off with "We need to Talk." That's funny, that is partially why I changed it to "Can we talk?"

The link below of Rasheeda and Kirk from "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta", clearly shows the disconnect of communication between the two of them. This broke my heart when I saw this. I'm sure later on the truth will come out but previously on the show he stated after their latest child, she was working so much and never had time for him. I for one can relate, some women grind and work so hard as independent women (especially as entrepreneurs), until we forget to show our man some attention. Does that make it ok? No, but in our eyes, we see us working hard and with him not saying anything, we're thinking it's okay. Saying to ourselves, "he's happy i'm working hard." A man can go seek elsewhere without saying anything, he's thinking that you don't care and your'e thinking that he don't mind and then hearts get broken. There is no communication, this is why I think couples should sit and talk about how they would communicate. Get an understanding on how each other feel on certain topics. When is a good time to communicate, is it okay for it to come right then and there in the heat or should we wait. If we wait we both need to understand that we are waiting and won't push the other to talk. Lets watch our tones and choice of words. It's a lot but that's part of what needs to be done to have a happy relationship. Relationships will never be perfect, we have to find our happy medium.

One of the best things to have in your mate is a friendship. Having that friendship, helps you to sometimes put the anger aside and work to communicate better. I hope Rasheeda and Kirk finds their happy medium and friendship in their marriage.

Thanks for reading, look out for the next blog


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